The Jets Unveil The $50 Jumbo Jet Breakfast Bagel

It’s important to know where to get the best drunk food late at night. White Castle is the best form of drunken/hangover food at three in the morning. Taco Bell is a close second. But what if you start your day getting hammered? Well, that subset is rather small. Who would start getting drunk at eight in the morning?

Oh I know … Jets fans! Luckily, their favorite team thought of them, as the Jets are selling the “Jumbo Jet Breakfast Bagel”. By Jumbo, we mean “Jumbo”.

“For $50, the Jets give you a 10-inch everything bagel topped with a half pound of Taylor Ham, one pound of spicy chorizo, one pound of breakfast sausage, four fried eggs, four slices of American cheese, and an undetermined amount of potato hash.”

Jets fans are notorious for their tailgates were alcohol is consumed for five hours straight before the game even starts. (Trust me, as a Jets fan, this isn’t hyperbole … this comes from field research.) This bad boy will soak up your buzz quick. Now it’s designed to be eaten responsibly, i.e. “shared” by four to six people. But here’s something else about Jets fans: They do nothing responsibly and moderately. Jets fans go big and go home. (It takes them a long time to go home as most live in Queens and Long Island, but they go home eventually.) So you’re going to see this eaten by one person in a single sitting. Some fans will need the entire bagel to counteract the amount of alcohol they drink in the parking lot for hours on end. Again … field research.

(I knew I was an expert at something.)

Image courtesy New York Jets

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